My three children are growing up so fast, especially my fifteen-year-old. Everything he is experiencing with being a student-athlete has taken me back to my own days of high school. Even though our separate experiences are very different, including our sport, gender and timelines, his current age has allowed me to reflect on all of my own memories. All the feelings, insecurities, and aspirations. In doing so, I decided to write myself this letter.
Dear 15-Year-Old-Self,
I know you think you don’t always belong. That you don’t have a ton of friends or have the right “look” or wear the right clothes. You think boys don’t notice you and that you’re not popular. You might be right. But I’m here to tell you it’s ok. IT DOESN’T MATTER. Life really does get better.
To give you a little bit of guidance right now and for the years to come, I have compiled a list of a few things to remember as you grow up. Hopefully this helps.
- Just be happy. It might not seem like it right now but being different is not actually a bad thing. Even being a little weird, too.
- Just be kind. It’s really the only thing that matters. I know you feel out of place a lot. Like you don’t belong. And kids are sometimes not nice. But I can tell you from years of experience that mom was right. “Be kind to others, even if they are not kind to you” is really the way to go.
- Okay, sports. Mainly cross country and indoor and outdoor track. You know how you take every race and every hard work out so seriously? Just keep doing that. Don’t stop. You should know that running will be part of your life well into your adult years. SO much of what you learn about yourself and what you can do has come from competitive sports in high school and college. It will be a decision you will not regret for one single day of your life. Even the races that don’t go so well. It’s teaching you how to deal with failure. And how to keep trying. Just soak it up. Every single practice, track meet, cross country race, team dinner, overnight in the hotel, bus trip, team meeting, sectional, regional, national meet…. relish it all, even the bad races and hard days. Enjoy being on a team and don’t take it for granted. Because one day it will be over, and all you will have left will be the memories. You will take those memories with you and continue your journey of running on your own. You will do great things you never dreamed you could do, even after three pregnancies. That’s right, three babies. We’ll get to that.
- Okay, don’t feel bad about not taking that full ride you were offered to the Division Two school for cross country and track because according to you it “Just looked like a long hallway.” You’re not going to understand the financial consequences of a lot of stuff until you are a parent yourself and are trying to save for college for your own kids. It’s ok. Dad bit his tongue on that college visit, and mom and dad both just let you make the decision on where you want to go. And guess what? The place you choose will lead you to meeting lifelong friends, making amazing memories, and experiencing a whole lot of fun. It will all work out.
- Speaking of mom and dad, try harder to appreciate them, will you? They have done and will continue to do a lot for you. They believe in you constantly, even when you fail. Oh, and when it feels like they can’t stand a certain boyfriend you keep bringing around and can’t seem to stop dating on-and-off for what seems like eternity, just remember they actually DO know what they are talking about.
- Try not to be so self-conscious all the time. Trust me, you won’t stay looking this awkward forever. It gets better.
- Keep playing the piano. Don’t stop with the lessons. One day you might even teach piano yourself. You’ll even write a song based on a book you get published. Yes, you read that right. A published book. It will be one of many.
- Ok, this one’s a tough one. I know you think you will never get over a certain guy right now, and that he is the only person you will ever love. But he’s not. In fact, it’s not really even love. It’s just your very first go at it, and you fell for him super hard. Don’t worry. There will be others. Other relationships and a couple other boyfriends. Now this part is important: Love will break your heart. A few times. My advice is…. let it. Don’t hold back. You have to experience heartbreak with a couple of boyfriends who are not right for you to be able to appreciate that one guy who is. He won’t be perfect, but here’s a news flash: neither are you. You two are polar opposites in almost every way. And you don’t know it until it happens, but you will be challenged with having different ways to parent your children too. But don’t worry. You’ll balance each other out. And he would honestly go to the ends of the Earth for you. He’s been there through sickness and health and was right by your side the night you almost died as well. Yes, you read that right. You two have been through a lot. Nearly 15 years of marriage. So here is my marriage advice for you: Just keep at it. You should BOTH make it a priority to make each other happy every day. Be respectful always. Now I can’t tell you who he is, you will need to find him on your own. And you will. Just remember to pick the very handsome, charming guy who makes you laugh. Oh yeah, and always wait until he is in a really, REALLY great mood to tell him about the expensive thing you are hoping to buy. You’ll have a better chance for sure.
- Soon everyone on the planet will have these things called cell phones. And they will be looking at them constantly. IT’S CRAZY. You are very lucky…you won’t get one until after you graduate college. You might be the last generation of kids to get to experience high school and college without a phone….and you have no idea what a blessing this is. ALL your time will be spent interacting with humans- in person. Taking pictures with an actual camera. Having real life conversations, unlike something people do now, called texting. No distractions, just living life. It’s hard to appreciate something you haven’t experienced, so you’re just going to have to take my word for it.
- Go see Grandpa Vern whenever you can. And Grandpa Bud. Write down your conversations with them so you don’t forget. They won’t be around much longer.
- Don’t worry about your face…it’s going to clear up. Eventually.
- Try to always take the high road whenever you can. Again, just be kind always. It’s all that really matters in this world.
- Ok, let’s talk about your kids. Your beautiful, amazing kids. I don’t want to give too much away, I want you to be surprised. All I can say is enjoy every single minute with them. Live in the moment. Spend time with them whenever you can, even when you think life is too busy. It’s not. Take tons of pictures. Record their laugh. Record their cry. Every stage of their lives goes by in a flash. Don’t sweat the small stuff, either. Love them every day no matter what. TELL THEM you love them every single day no matter what. Being a parent will be the most challenging yet most unbelievably satisfying journey of your entire life. I think you already feel this in your heart, even at 15, but being a mom will turn out to be your biggest accomplishment.
- So, when you’re in college and your head coach turns 40 (God that sounds so young now, it seemed so old at the time), before you go and tape 100 flyers all over campus saying “Important! Coach Deb turned 40!!” Make sure you spell check it. It would be pretty humiliating if you accidentally left out the letter “p” in an easy word like "important." Take my word for it.
- Go easy on the baby oil on your skin, will ya? I mean, you live in the Midwest, where it’s cold and you’re basically covered up 9 months out of the year. That summer tan just really doesn’t matter. And you might not realize it, but someday when you are grown up, you are going to end up living in a place that is REALLY warm. And the sun is a huge issue. Take care of your skin. Wear sunscreen! I know you want to look older right now, but that feeling is only going to last until you’re about 24. Then from that point on, you’re basically going to spend the rest of your life wishing, hoping and praying that your skin and face stay looking younger.
- Ok, so you know how you decided to do gymnastics in high school? To get strong for cross country and track season? Well don’t feel bad that you suck so bad at it. It’s just not your sport. And that’s ok. And more importantly, don’t feel bad that next season you accidentally kick your coach in the mouth while trying to learn a round off back handspring. It was an accident! You didn’t mean to knock her tooth out, and besides, her trip to get it fixed led her to dating her dentist. And I’m pretty sure they are still together. So, it all worked out.
- Alright, I want to talk about careers. You’re going switch careers. A LOT. But just don’t worry about it. Just keep getting all the different experiences. Teaching, journalism, nursing, writing books. IT’S OK. You’re just not one of those people who stays in the same field or at the same job your whole life. NO biggie. Everything you learn is like a steppingstone to your ultimate goal, which has never changed, and that is: helping people and changing lives. So, when you’re married and have a 2-year-old and a 6-month-old, and you tell your husband you want to go back to school for nursing, and he looks at you like you’re nuts, just stand your ground. And then, when you make it into nursing school and God tells you you’re not done having kids and you feel a strong desire to have a third baby even though you just started school and your husband looks at you AGAIN like you’re nuts, STAND YOUR GROUND. That third child will end up being the piece of the puzzle that completes your family.
- Oh, here’s a tip: When the movie you rented from Blockbuster slides off the dashboard of your car while you are turning a corner too fast and you accidentally bend down to pick it up and jump the curb causing a flat tire, just don’t panic. Mom and Dad are not going to be mad. In fact, they won’t even ask you what exactly happened. Dad just shows up and helps you learn how to change a tire. So, keep your mouth shut and be grateful.
- Take care of your body. You are going to get injured from running. A LOT. Foot surgery, a stress fracture, tendonitis, a broken ankle, it all happens. Most of those things happen because you don’t want to stop. You are stubborn. But honestly, just listen to your body and back off when things start to hurt. Stretch and do lots of strength work outs. Exercising will end up being the glue that holds everything together for you. Don’t mess that up.
- Love yourself. Don’t overthink everything. Take a chance. Believe in yourself. TRUST yourself. Have fun. Hang out with people who truly care about you. Don’t worry so much about everything.
- Keep doing your best. Keep trying your hardest. At everything you do. Listen to what Coach Bee is telling you every day at practice: “Be the best YOU that you can be.” It will be a gamechanger for you. Someday your three boys (spoiler alert, sorry. You have three boys) will be watching your every move. The strength they see in you will be the true motivation they will use to do their best. Don’t let them down.
So, there you go. 21 tips that will hopefully help you through the next 25-30 years of your life. You can do this. Just take it one day at a time.
Sincerely,
Grown-up self.
Add comment
Comments
I love this. I have tears. All of this is so true
Great job my dear , sweet friend
Love you
Awesome blog !!!