Ode to Blue

Do you have a kid who plays ball that you go and watch? A grandkid? A friend’s kid? Maybe a Niece or Nephew? Try this…look back at your photos of them on the ball field, at the plate or on the bases.  Who else do you see in the picture? Who else is always in the shot? Who is brushing off the dirt-filled plate, talking to the catcher, answering questions from coaches who are sometimes heated? Who is standing there the entire game in whatever weather God chose for the day while all the parents sit in chairs under a canopy? That’s right. It’s the umpire.  AKA “ump.” AKA “Blue.”  Love ‘em or hate ‘em, we need them. We wouldn’t get to experience youth baseball (or any baseball games for that matter) without them. 

In youth sports, umpires are a unique bunch.  I bet you didn’t realize or even think about how many kinds of umps there are.  Literally too many to count, but I’m going to give it a try….

Here is a list of some umps we all know (these are not in any type of order; just however they came to mind).  Some I have tried to describe. And some need no explanation at all.

1. The Happy-Go-Lucky Ump.
2. The Chatty Ump. (He wants to talk to any parent willing to engage with him).
3. The Power-Trip Ump
4. The “Kid” Ump. (Some poor kid just trying to make gas money and stay out of trouble).
5. The Hungover Ump (No explanation necessary).
6. The “I Know Everything and You Don’t” Ump. (He’s related to The Power-Trip Ump. Don’t mess with either of them or you might get kicked out of your kid’s game.)
7. The Really Old Ump. (If you can’t run out to second base without a struggle, it might be time to think about retirement).
8. The “I Don’t Wanna Be Here” Ump. (We’ve all seen this guy.  He may or may not be related to Hungover Ump).
9. The Overheated Ump. (Living in Arizona, we unfortunately see this guy too often. A few tournaments back, one got hauled off in an ambulance. Stay hydrated, Blue).
10. The “I’m Calling Everything a Strike Because I Want This Game to Be Over” Ump.
11. The “I’m Calling Every Strike with a Super Powerful Scream" Ump.  (It’s hard not to mimic him. We’ve all done it).
12. The “Nicest Ump on the Planet.” (I love this guy).
13. The Helpful Ump. (Possibly related to number 12. I love this guy too! He’s always giving kids constructive criticism and advice on the mound when they appear nervous or flustered).
14. The Inconsistent Ump. (This is the one that seems to drive all the dads a little nuts...."Aw, C’mon Blue! That’s been a strike all day long!” OR “You gotta call it both ways!”)
15. The Dancing Ump. (My ALL-TIME FAVORITE GUY! You provide the music in between innings, and he provides the dance moves. Nothing better than witnessing a person who truly loves what they do and is comfortable to jam in front of total strangers).
16. The Woman Ump. (They’re few and far between, but they’re out there. We’ve had plenty over the years. One in the East Valley who loved on the kids so much and knew our Ethan by name (and swing). Kudos to you, ladies.
17. The “Warning-Happy” Ump. (A cousin of Power-Trip Ump. Handing out warnings to kids, coaches and parents like candy….” That’s a warning! One more time and…”)
18. The “You’re Outa Here” Ump. (A step up from Warning-Happy Ump)
19. The Loud Ump.
20. The Grumpy Ump.
21. The “I Didn’t See the Play but I’m Gonna Act Like I Did” Ump.
22. The Heckled Ump. (Don’t feel too sorry for him. I mean, he’s probably only being heckled because he’s close friends with “Inconsistent, Loud, Grumpy or I-Don’t-Wanna-Be-Here” Umps).
23. The “I Like to Flirt with Baseball Moms” Ump. (You know who you are…).
24. The “Ball-Magnet” Ump. (Always awkward watching him go down to the ground in pain…” You ok, Blue?).
25. The “Super-Fit Tattooed” Ump. (Another crowd pleaser).
26. The “I’m In the Way of Every Play” Ump. (You’re Killin me, Blue!).
27. The Proud Ump. (Yes, we love to hear about all your life experiences in between innings. We do. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go use the restroom before my kid is up to bat).

The truth is none of us spectators have any right to complain…. we are not umpires.  We DON’T know all the rules to the game (although some of our husbands think they do). We weren’t trained in it, and we are not out there on the field to really be able to tell if a kid is safe or out.  And whether we would like to admit it or not…. WE ARE BIASED! We have a kid out there we are rooting for…a team we want to get the win.  I don’t know how many times I have heard the words “Oh, those umps were horrible.” I mean, maybe they were.  Or maybe they were just having a bad day-like we all have sometimes. Maybe they wore “The Grumpy Ump” name that day because something happened outside of this game that we know nothing about that set them off. 

Imagine if an umpire (any from the list) came to your place of work, and from a 10–20-foot distance, yelled in front of everyone “That’s terrible! You’re terrible! What a terrible decision you just made!”

And we wonder why some umpires kick parents and coaches out of games…

Remember, whichever ump you see out there, just say thank you.  It’s a thankless job SO much of the time.  Think about that that next time you spot an ump covered in hot, thick padding, crouched behind the plate in one of your many pictures of your child. 

In the words of Will Ferrell, “You’re my boy, Blue.”