The Grass is Always Greener...Because it's Turf

Last month marked one year since I quit my full-time job as a school nurse to pursue a new career in writing. I have always wanted to write children's books.  Even at a really young age.  When I was 8 or 9, I would steal the small white notepads my dad would bring home from his work and turn them into tiny little stories. Simple stories, like “Johny Gets a Haircut” or “Sally Goes to the Dentist.” I even illustrated them myself, with stick figures and basic shapes. Some of them got saved. Placed in a shoe box of childhood memories. Forgotten about. However, the dream of being an actual writer was never fully stored away. It was always in the back of my mind. I just didn’t know how to become one. So instead, I became a teacher. Then a mom. Then a nurse.  And just like everything I do, I dove headfirst into each of those careers (yes, being a mom is a full-time career). I have always had a desire to help others learn and grow. I know that about myself. Yet I always wondered, hoped, and wished I could also help others through writing.

I’ve talked about this before…I’m a huge believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. Our actions and decisions lead to new experiences and life lessons, always.  We as humans do not realize it, but some decisions we make even lead us to meet certain people that we were meant to meet, experience certain hardships we were destined to endure, as well as reach personal goals we never in a million years thought we could reach.  But let’s be real; Nothing is easy. There are no shortcuts, no secret potions for success, no instant satisfaction or immediate sense of self-worth when it comes to our hopes and dreams. Nothing really happens overnight, at least not to the majority.  Everything takes time.  Life is hard, and there are always obstacles.  Failure is part of growth, a concept I am still learning.

A little over a year ago, I remember having a moment where I was totally stressed out at work. I wasn’t sleeping, we had a crazy, busy schedule with the boys’ baseball practices and tournaments (that’s not really anything new), and I just felt like I could not catch my breath. And I remember thinking to myself “Gosh, things will just be so much easier when I switch paths and start writing books full-time.” Well, the reality is that none of it has been easy. In fact, it’s been one of the hardest things ever. I had to learn how to do so many things that were completely out of my comfort level…and even a year later, I still have so much more to learn.   Nothing happened overnight. Every single possible thing involved with my plan took so much time as well as money I did not expect to spend. Starting your own little business sounds amazing, and it IS amazing, but it’s hard as hell.

If you know me, you know I am “old school” when it comes to technology.  I write everything down on paper.  I was figuring out things like how to develop my own website, how to find an editor and illustrator for my stories, how to start various social media accounts to display my work and myself, how to upload my stories on different platforms, how to create a YouTube Channel (that one needs some work), and eventually, how to self-publish multiple children’s books on Amazon. Things that might seem easy to some, for me, were completely out of my wheelhouse.  And for every little triumph I experienced in the small world I had created of writing, there would be 5-10 setbacks. My confidence levels felt like a yo-yo, constantly going up and then going down, SO many times this past year. And it wasn’t just the frustrations of learning an entirely new job, it was also the challenge of leaving the identity I had created for myself as ‘Nurse Mary” behind.  Walking my youngest to school and not going in with him felt foreign.  Hearing other kids in the neighborhood yell “Hi, Nurse Mary!” As I walked back home in running clothes felt almost unsettling. I was stepping away from a lot. And then, soon came that little voice that would creep into my thoughts every other day or so.  The one that asked the question “Have I made a huge mistake?”

The answer was no. I hadn’t made a mistake.  What I had done (and continue to do) was take a chance.  A risk.  And risks make us uncomfortable.  Challenging ourselves is so hard, but if you hold onto the hope that you will someday make an impact, it’s worth it. And the beauty of life is that you actually can go backward sometimes if you need to. You can go back to previous jobs you miss. You can go back to co-workers you didn’t realize how much you needed. And no one can take away your experience or your education. As excited as I was to be an author, I missed a lot of things. I missed the kids I had helped. I missed making a difference every day. So, substitute teaching became an avenue I pursued while writing, which has been the key for me to have the best of both worlds. I love my days writing and creating, and I love my days walking with Bo all the way into the building when ‘Nurse Mary’ comes to school as the sub.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where “instant gratification” has become the norm. And it’s the worst with our children.  They don’t have to wait for anything. It’s all right there, readily available to them. Anything they need is just a click away on the internet. (Remember when AOL first started? And you had to wait for the internet to connect, and it took about 30 seconds of listening to that awful crackling high-pitched sound? The one that sounded like the computer was breaking?) Our kids (it’s not their fault) are growing up in a totally different era of technology. The other night, our youngest was complaining about how many “ads” kept popping up during his show on Hulu. (He doesn’t seem to know the word ‘commercial,' just ad). We tried to explain to him how lucky he was that he had access to any episode of his show any time he wanted. “When we were little, we had to wait a whole week to see the next episode of the Cosby Show,” I told him. He looked at me like I was nuts.

Patience is a hard concept for kids these days. And not just patience, but also the concept of working for something, then feeling that sense of accomplishment when you’ve met your goal. I’m truly thankful my boys are so heavily involved in youth sports. I’ve watched them with all their baseball endeavors, all the practices and games over the many years. I’ve watched them all succeed, and I’ve watched them all fail.  I tell them all the time: Success will happen if they just keep working hard and don’t give up.  You must be consistent with your work ethic. I tell them: I can’t go run a marathon without months and months of training under my belt.  And there will always be setbacks. But pushing through setbacks only makes the thrill of attaining your goals even sweeter. 

I still have a long way to go to become an established author. Six of my books have been published, which no one on the planet seems to really know about. But that’s ok.  The marketing aspect of being an author is just another huge stepping-stone I will have to take.  Sometimes we get caught up in the idea that the grass is always greener on the other side of our endeavors. As if there has just got to be an easier way, a better way, a quicker way that will make all our challenges disappear.  But it’s not reality.  It’s an illusion, a false sense of reality. It’s fake, just like turf.  Once you realize it’s just a bunch of turf over there on the other side, you might see that your dreams and aspirations are right there in front of you, within arm’s reach. So, get out of your comfort level. Take the chance and pursue your passions. Invest in yourself and your dreams. Work hard. It will be worth it. You just need to believe it is.